Journey - Jenny's Odyssey of Faith
It is pretty tough being told you have cancer. There is
the numbness, followed by all sorts of feelings and reactions. Then the
thoughts come tumbling.
There are considerations about treatment and about
practical matters. Over all, there is the fear. Life is going to change - or
perhaps not exist for much longer....... And there is the concern for those
who would be left behind.
It is not just the cancer
but the whole family. Friends, too, don't know how to react as often it feeds into their own fears about their
own health or mortality. Or, too often, it reminds them of losses of their own.
So, I have decided to set down this very personal story.
distressed, I would sit at my computer and write, setting down exactly how I
was feeling. Or I would write letters to my doctor as this was more in the
way of talking personally to someone who knew me well and could understand
and this helped me clarify my thoughts. For this reason, it is very much in
the style of a journal, recording thoughts and feelings. I felt so much hurt
and anger and confusion and fear - all natural, I am sure. Originally, it
was just letters to people and things I had written in the depths of my
despair or indecision. I found it very therapeutic to write down my thoughts
and I only wish I had been more regular about it. However, the very effort
of trying to continue to exist takes up so much energy.
Personally, I have found it so helpful to read of the
experiences of others. One of the things I find hardest is that there is
little in the way of support groups. It would give me the utmost
satisfaction to be able to get groups of people together to gain strength
from each other. I can= t see that
happening in the near future, so this is the next best thing.
Although I have decided to take the 'alternative'
route, that doesn't mean to say
that it is the right choice for everybody. I would advise seeking all the
advice you can, making sure you do get the information you need. Then, weigh
it all up, and do what feels right for you, deep down in your heart. Then
put your very soul into making your chosen path work.
I hope others finding their way along this path will draw
comfort from this book, that it can give an insight into the complex mental
and emotional struggles that each person will inevitably have to go through.
To know you are not alone, that you are not going crazy, that you can get
through it is such a comfort, especially in those darker or more inward
I don't know
whether I will overcome this. The signs don't look especially good. But I will continue to do my best to keep my body
and mind in the best shape possible. And my spirit is willing. With my
strong faith in God, my determination and my love of life, perhaps I will
become fully well again. In the meantime, I have gained so much from having
cancer. I see it almost as a gift.
Even should I succumb, then this stage of my life will
have taught me so much and I am grateful for that. It has also brought my
family closer together and improved communication.
So take my personal feelings, treat them gently as you
should treat yourself, and know that you can come out the other side a
stronger and wiser person, with a much greater love for